I smell stomach acid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
