I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
