i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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