So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
