What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
