i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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