she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
