Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
