I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
