Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
PANTIES FOUND
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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