we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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