I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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