5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
