the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
