The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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