Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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