First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
