why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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