remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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