I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
