Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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