where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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