Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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