There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
