if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
