Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
