god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
