first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
