He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
