he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
