remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
