i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
