so explain again why im purple
no
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
