He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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