names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
