How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
