I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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