just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
