porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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