i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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