Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
