i wish my penis had a tongue
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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