Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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