I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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