i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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