If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
