well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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