I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
