lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
