There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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